Is anybody else weary with the insecurity battle?
Because I am so sick of it.
Social media has chained me to a daily, sometimes hourly, battle with anxiety and people pleasing. Granted, most of the time I win the battle.
Sometimes the battle is only a few seconds long:
- see other people’s pictures/highlights
- compare myself briefly
- take that thought captive
- shake-off said comparison
- move on to celebrating and enjoying my people
Regardless of how long it takes me to battle this comparison temptation, I still have to engage in the fight.
I also face a battle every time I check my notifications: did I get a like, a share, or a comment today? This skirmish can end up on one of two battlefields.
1. If the answer is yes, then my need-to-be-impressive will be satisfied today. This means I must contend with my flesh/old self who has just received a fresh boost of self-confidence. The evil within my own heart is ever-at-the-ready to seize these moments and live by self-reliance instead of God-dependance.
2. Or I don’t receive attention for a post I worked on for hours to share with my “audience.” This battlefield is far more familiar than scenario 1. My unavoidable disappointment ushers me onto the battle ground where I fight with doubt: “is God even working in and through me?” I spar with pride as I try to overcompensate for this sense of insignificance. I face the giants of depression, anxiety, exhaustion, people-pleasing, and comparison on this battle ground, and eventually, by God’s grace, I win. Throw the confetti and call me victorious (do you detect the sarcasm?).
Playing it out:
Let’s say this is an actual battlefield that I have the choice to walk onto or not. How would I, in my right mind, assume I had the stamina, much less the skill, go back onto the field every 3 – 5 times a day, every day of the week, for years upon years?!
Also, what would I be trying to prove? Is mining for rare gems on that ugly battlefield feels so enjoyable to me that I would risk the wounding from a battle I am not even required to participate in? Call it masochism or maybe insanity, but I call it social media.
What does the Commander require?
With the time I spend battling the petty giants of my insecurities, I could be waging war on child trafficking. I could be praying for my neighbors who haven’t heard the gospel. I could swing my sword at the bondage that pornography and the casual sex culture has chained my dearest friends into.
Kingdom-minded combat is waiting for me to don my armor. I am tired of wasting my prayer-requests and journal pages on a fight with my own insecurity… a battle that I myself exacerbate through constant social media checking.
It’s time for me to be engaging in a better battle. Which means I have to say no to ever entering this one.
Yours ever, humbly bowing out of the brawl with insecurity,