Covid-19 has played some major mind games with my ambition this year.
One moment, I’m celebrating my liberated calendar, ready to use stay-home time to advance my goals.
The next, I’m on the couch watching Parks & Rec (bless you Leslie Knope), unmotivated and uninterested.
Of course, there was a lot demanding my attention during Covid-19 “new normal:” virtual school, teething trauma, and a backyard renovation. My couch-potato nights (and afternoons and mornings… ahem.) were part of the journey. No shame. But, dang it, I thought I’d do more this summer.
It feels like I’m not going anywhere. My fitness plan is pathetic. My second book manuscript is 5% complete and riddled with typos. My kids have zero routine and we read maybe 3 books this summer. Our home is a museum of unfinished projects.
I glance in the mirror and say, with sagging shoulders and one hand reaching for the remote… “I’m not going anywhere.”
Have you ever noticed that despondency and determination have the same catch phrase? Both faithfulness and feelings of failure utter the same refrain:
I’m not going anywhere.
For one, these words define the “waiting place,” as Dr. Suess calls it. It’s a statement of hopelessness: my circumstances have got me down… I am stuck.
For the other, the exact same phrase explodes with unflinching purpose! It’s a statement of resolution: my circumstances may get me down, but I’m not going anywhere! I’m staying right here, leaning into my passions, my hopes and dreams.
Have you noticed how the sun never gets bored of rising every morning. How the seasons change, yes, but also give us a reliable rhythm to mark our years by? Ruth Chou Simons describes this as the evidence of the faithfulness of God. He designed our days with reminders of His resolve to sustain us.
God is not going anywhere.
These signatures of His faithfulness cheer me on. I choose to lean in again to all He has created me to do.
I love how the ESV puts Psalm 37:3-4:
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.
Delight yourself in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
I’m ready to befriend faithfulness. Roll out a welcome mat for steadfastness. Embrace the stay-present resolve.
I was given a passion: to spark excitement in women for their relationship with God again.
I write. I teach. I love and hug my kids and make room for other’s people’s kids too. I romance my husband and delight in his affection. I speak courage and encouragement. I live abundantly. I smile.
And I’ll keep doing it until the day I die.
It might not look ambitious, successful, or impressive.
It might take a long time to see fruit, or a published book, or a master’s degree, or a routine that works for us. My Weekly Spark emails and videos may look more like a sporadic twinkle. I may end up on the couch a lot more than I thought I would.
But for the first time in a long time, I can say with hopeful determination, “I’m not going anywhere.”
Faith spark: In what areas of life do you need to trade despair for faithfulness?
Ooh, and if you are here for the front porch update, here are the links:
Striped Rug: Target
Round Welcome Mat: Target
Chalkboard: Hobby Lobby
Bike Tire: Salvation Army (floral wire and magnolias from Walmart)
Coffee Table: Found on Facebook Upcycle years ago.
Book: Beholding and Becoming by Ruth Chou Simmons of Gracelaced.com (bought at Hobby Lobby)